Keep Your Eyes (and Your Words) on the Prize...And off the people you claim don't matter.

Friday’s Fun Fact:  The peace that results from COMING TOGETHER far outweighs the peace of cutting off people.  Sometimes, it’s not about what another person can’t do for you, but what God has placed in you to contribute to the other person.

I do not know the details of the relationships in the photos below, but one thing I know for sure: With time, maturity, and life experiences, you grow to realize some fights just ain’t worth fighting. 

Over the past few months, I’ve seen a significant increase in posts that are dedicated to “those” people…you know, the ones you accuse of watching you from afar, worried about you, jealous of you, hating on you, waiting for you to fail, and the list goes on and on and on.  Don’t you think, that if “those” people truly didn’t matter to you, you wouldn’t choose to dedicate whole posts and conversations to their non-existence and non-contribution to your life? If so, why do we choose to extend so much time and energy into calling out who/what we believe does not matter, instead of focusing our time and energy on the things and people who do?  I personally believe that answer rests in tidbits of insecurity that causes those people and their opinions to really matter, and  in this crazy world of social media, such posts serve as the perfect temporary band-aid over a deeper issue.

Building confidence and driving purpose begins and ends with Y-O-U.  When you are sincerely dedicated to being who God created you to be, and receiving the blessings He’s set aside for you, you understand the manifestations of those blessings are validated through your relationship with Him, not anyone else.  Because no one else has access or power to alter or intercept what God has decided is yours.  When your eyes are truly on the prize, there’s no time available to count, acknowledge, or shake off your so-called haters. 

The more you grow, the more you know…not necessarily the other way around.  Sometimes we’re so convinced we know everything, our knowledge stunts our growth.

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Peace and Blessings,

-Mama Tameka

Please note: In no way am I suggesting, implying, or recommending anyone reconsider, remain, or rekindle relationships of abuse or violation.  I wholeheartedly agree such relationships require action that guarantee safety and wellness.

Teachers with Guns...It Ain't Good.

Over the past couple days, I've been tagged in several posts about teachers and guns, and I want my social media friends and followers to know that my lack of response is not due to a choice to ignore the conversation, but a frustration that rests in the fact that I’m a mother, and a teacher.  I try hard to not get too involved in political debates because they are so exhausting and time consuming for me, but I realize this topic is beyond meaningless debate and involves the lives of children and teachers.

There are two main points that I want to address as it pertains to my opinions and choice in NOT SUPPORTING the idea to train teachers to bear and use guns within the schools.

1.     THIS AIN’T GOOD FOR BLACK CHILDREN!

I am a Black mother of three Black children, an educator/mentor to hundreds of Black children, and a colleague to many Black and non-Black educators.  Let’s just say I have enough experience with Black children and teachers, particularly within the school and classroom environment, to know and understand a suggestion to give teachers guns adds another layer to the already stressful and fearful realities of Black children and parents of Black children.  You see, because of my years of experience in education, I can clearly and very realistically see how news headlines can quickly shift from “Mentally Ill and Emotionally Disturbed Student Opens Fire In School” to “Teacher Mistakes Student Wearing Hoodie For An Intruder and Shoots Him,” and we all know how that story will end.

If you still believe Black children, especially Black boys are not perceived and treated differently in and outside the classroom, you need to check your pulse.  There are tons of research that speak to a correlation between perceived notions about Black students/children and teacher/adult response.  And if the research is not enough, invite a Black man to coffee and ask him about his childhood school and adult life experiences.

2.     THIS AIN’T GOOD FOR TEACHERS!

Just in case you haven’t noticed, today’s teachers are literally RUNNING OUT OF THE CLASSROOM, at full speed, without looking back.  In my experience, very few of today's teachers entered undergraduate school aspiring to be a school teacher, and many of those who are currently in the classroom are in the midst of life’s Plan B or C and actively looking for a viable Plan C or D.  I’m not concluding no one wants to teach, enjoys teaching, or believes teaching is their God-given purpose.  I’m saying even those people who believe teaching is what they were created to do are actively strategizing a way to fulfill this purpose in other ways, beyond the realms of a classroom.

If you browse the latest lists of burnout statistics, underemployed careers, underpaid positions, least favorable college majors, high-stress work environments, jobs with high turnover, careers with high rates of depression, EDUCATION, EDUCATORS, and/or TEACHERS almost always rest within the top 10.  Let me give you an idea of why I believe this is so.

Let's look at a few of the current expectations of a classroom teacher.

 1.   You want me to function, quite productively, as the only adult within a classroom of 20+ children for 30+ hours a week, with very limited options for discipline and redirection.

 2. You want me to prepare my students to meet unrealistic state and national standards, maintain high scores on unrealistic tests, and become global students ready and willing to compete with children from other parts of the world who do not uphold such unrealistic educational practices.  Don't forget, you want me to successfully accomplish all of this by practicing a differentiated approach in which I plan according to the "individual" gifts and needs of each child.

 3. You want me to possess college degrees, pass tests and other requirements for a teacher certification, obtain continuing education credits, and travel to learn the latest and greatest in educational trends, that I don’t really have time to implement in my classroom due to #2.

 4. You want me to listen, satisfy, and meet the expectations of 40+ parents who don’t spend as much time with their children as I do, yet they’ve convinced themselves that they have all the answers regarding who their children really are and what they really need.

 5. You want me to take care of myself and take care of my own children and family on a salary that is less than many salaries of non-degreed/non-certified professionals.

 6. This is the best one of all, you want me to complete numbers 1-5, all while smiling and showing zero signs of frustration, fatigue, disappointment, or depression.

Now, think about this for a minute: In addition to the above, SOMEBODY IS SUGGESTING ADDING A #7 TO THIS LIST! And that #7 involves more training, plus GUNS!  You gotta be kidding me!

Lastly, please miss me with the "you want to take our guns" rhetoric, because nowhere in this blog did I mention taking your guns.

Peace and Blessings,

Mama Tameka

Nuggets from Your Mama: Ten Things I Want My Daughter to Know

Over the past 16 years, I've grown to understand I have a responsibility to my daughter that is very, very different from my responsibility to my sons.  Every day with her is a new adventure, and a new opportunity to give her information I feel is valuable to her future, but most importantly, to her overall wellness.  So every day, sometimes multiple times a day, I drop into her girl bucket, what I call "Nuggets from Your Mama."

Today, I read a post from a mother that encouraged me to share a few of those nuggets.  Thank you for posting that question, Dionne.  It's been at least two years since I've formally shared anything.

I understand and respect the fact that my nuggets don't necessarily align everybody's advice for their own daughters, and I'm okay with that. Happy Hump Day to all the women out there blessed with the opportunity to #TeachTheGirl!  

I wouldn't trade this mommy-daughter roller coaster for the world!  

Peace and Blessings,
Mama Tameka

10 Nuggets for my daughter:

1. You date and marry at the level of your self-esteem. I can look at your mate and get a pretty good idea of what you believe about yourself.

2. You’re the prize, and if he gets you, he’s winning.  He needs to be able to articulate (through his words and actions) and convince you (and your daddy) that he’s worthy of such a prize.

3. You weren’t created to be anybody’s “ride or die” and don’t fall for that immature cliche'.  You demand a full explanation of where he desires to take you, why, the planned route, and you communicate your unwillingness to “die” in the process.

4. Don’t fall for that “No One is perfect” mess either! No one is perfect; we all know that, but there is someone “perfect for you.”  You are not looking for isolated perfection in any human; you’re awaiting confirmation of God’s perfect mate, specifically chosen for you.

5. If you’re confident the man you’re with is the person God has for you, then stop looking for validation from other people.  However, if you know the man you’re with ain’t the one from God, then stop being mad when your loved ones tell you,"That joker ain’t the one."

6. Your daddy is the MINIMUM STANDARD for your expectations of a man.  He has set the tone for the level of care you require.  When you lower your standard, you must also lower your expectation.  High expectations and low standards don’t work well together.  You don’t get honey by tapping on rose bushes.

7. You better know and uphold your dealbreakers.  My friend (@LoveMcPherson) puts it best, “Know what your love can (AND CAN’T) cover!”  And I will add, “When you see crap you know your love can’t cover, RUN, Girl, R-U-N!"

8. Independence is overrated and highly miscommunicated.  That “I don’t need anybody” rant often comes from a place of unresolved disappointment and pain.   You can’t consistently scream, “I don’t need nobody,” and then get mad when you’re exhausted from doing all the work by yourself.  You must possess THE ABILITY to take care of yourself, when required or desired, as well as an expectation to be cared for.  One without the other is crazy.  Having a husband who takes care of you doesn’t mean you don’t possess the ability to take care of yourself; it simply means you have options. 

9. Pretty is a good thing.  There's nothing wrong with believing you’re pretty. I don’t care how smart, successful, wealthy, or educated a girl is, we all like to hear someone say, “You’re pretty.”  However, pretty ain’t your end goal.  DO SOMETHING BEYOND PRETTY!

10. Older women have experiences and insight you do not possess. Sometimes you gotta know when to SHUTUP AND LISTEN.  Does listening mean you consider their every word the gospel? Absolutely not; but at least be respectful and attentive enough to filter their words for material you can use. Don’t be so full of yourself that you’re unwilling to hear someone else, especially an elder, and live to regret it later in life.  ASK ME HOW I KNOW!

My favorite Girl!