Nuggets from Your Mama: Ten Things I Want My Daughter to Know

Over the past 16 years, I've grown to understand I have a responsibility to my daughter that is very, very different from my responsibility to my sons.  Every day with her is a new adventure, and a new opportunity to give her information I feel is valuable to her future, but most importantly, to her overall wellness.  So every day, sometimes multiple times a day, I drop into her girl bucket, what I call "Nuggets from Your Mama."

Today, I read a post from a mother that encouraged me to share a few of those nuggets.  Thank you for posting that question, Dionne.  It's been at least two years since I've formally shared anything.

I understand and respect the fact that my nuggets don't necessarily align everybody's advice for their own daughters, and I'm okay with that. Happy Hump Day to all the women out there blessed with the opportunity to #TeachTheGirl!  

I wouldn't trade this mommy-daughter roller coaster for the world!  

Peace and Blessings,
Mama Tameka

10 Nuggets for my daughter:

1. You date and marry at the level of your self-esteem. I can look at your mate and get a pretty good idea of what you believe about yourself.

2. You’re the prize, and if he gets you, he’s winning.  He needs to be able to articulate (through his words and actions) and convince you (and your daddy) that he’s worthy of such a prize.

3. You weren’t created to be anybody’s “ride or die” and don’t fall for that immature cliche'.  You demand a full explanation of where he desires to take you, why, the planned route, and you communicate your unwillingness to “die” in the process.

4. Don’t fall for that “No One is perfect” mess either! No one is perfect; we all know that, but there is someone “perfect for you.”  You are not looking for isolated perfection in any human; you’re awaiting confirmation of God’s perfect mate, specifically chosen for you.

5. If you’re confident the man you’re with is the person God has for you, then stop looking for validation from other people.  However, if you know the man you’re with ain’t the one from God, then stop being mad when your loved ones tell you,"That joker ain’t the one."

6. Your daddy is the MINIMUM STANDARD for your expectations of a man.  He has set the tone for the level of care you require.  When you lower your standard, you must also lower your expectation.  High expectations and low standards don’t work well together.  You don’t get honey by tapping on rose bushes.

7. You better know and uphold your dealbreakers.  My friend (@LoveMcPherson) puts it best, “Know what your love can (AND CAN’T) cover!”  And I will add, “When you see crap you know your love can’t cover, RUN, Girl, R-U-N!"

8. Independence is overrated and highly miscommunicated.  That “I don’t need anybody” rant often comes from a place of unresolved disappointment and pain.   You can’t consistently scream, “I don’t need nobody,” and then get mad when you’re exhausted from doing all the work by yourself.  You must possess THE ABILITY to take care of yourself, when required or desired, as well as an expectation to be cared for.  One without the other is crazy.  Having a husband who takes care of you doesn’t mean you don’t possess the ability to take care of yourself; it simply means you have options. 

9. Pretty is a good thing.  There's nothing wrong with believing you’re pretty. I don’t care how smart, successful, wealthy, or educated a girl is, we all like to hear someone say, “You’re pretty.”  However, pretty ain’t your end goal.  DO SOMETHING BEYOND PRETTY!

10. Older women have experiences and insight you do not possess. Sometimes you gotta know when to SHUTUP AND LISTEN.  Does listening mean you consider their every word the gospel? Absolutely not; but at least be respectful and attentive enough to filter their words for material you can use. Don’t be so full of yourself that you’re unwilling to hear someone else, especially an elder, and live to regret it later in life.  ASK ME HOW I KNOW!

My favorite Girl!