Leaving What You Love for Who You Love

A couple years ago, someone shared an article that suggested stay-home moms were most impactful during the adolescent and teens years, in comparison to infant and toddler stages.  Of course, I scratched my head at the thought, especially considering the decades of research and lists of so-called professionals who argue the opposite.  Like many mothers, I chose to be home during those baby and toddler years, and although that was the absolute poorest years of our lives, I believe they were also some of the richest.  Once my youngest became a walking, talking, independently pottying boy, I slowly re-entered the working world, only agreeing to work in a places that would allow me to bring him along.  At this point in my life I assumed I was rolling, everybody in school, a paycheck in my purse, and a sense of freedom and accomplishment with that "no more babies" swag.  

Then, reality hit me!  

In the midst of this new freedom, I still wrestled the guilt of so many "missed" opportunities during the busyness and hustle of being a working mom.  I'm not referring to games, parties, or recitals, I'm talking about those pivotal life lessons that often make or break an emerging adult: spirituality, money management, character development, awareness of gifts/talents, confidence, integrity, standards in dating, dress, time management, organization, all those areas many adults are still trying to "figure out," the stuff they don't intentionally teach you in school.  Not only was I releasing a young man into the world of adulthood, but I had this little girl who was moving into womanhood (on fast forward mode), and looking directly toward me for an example. 

I will never forget the day we found out we were having a baby girl.  My emotions shifted almost daily, from degrees of pure joy and excitement to fear and anxiety.  Although I already had six years of parenting under my belt, I knew this was oh so different.  You see, as a mother of a son, there's this crazy sense of relief that resides in knowing Daddy has the greatest responsibility in rearing a young man.  However, unlike with the boy, much of the lady this little girl will grow to become is greatly impacted by my role as her mother.   I remember thinking to myself, "Wow God, you must think so highly of me!"

Last year, our sweet girl transitioned from her small village of an elementary school, where her mommy shared the teaching responsibility with some of the best teaching aunties and uncles in the world, to a larger middle/high school of about 600 students.  Although the Holy Spirit continually confirmed my need to "reel it in," I refused to acknowledge the obvious signs of a preteen girl needing her mom.  Instead, I tried convincing myself that this was all normal stages of adolescence, I was a great mom, she'll grow out of some things, she's just being extra, I'm reading too deeply into this, she is privileged and has too much, and the best one, girls of working moms turn out just fine.  From choices in music and movies to text exchanges, sideways conversation, and disinterest in the things she once loved, this girl was rapidly moving toward a place oh so familiar to me...that place I entered as a teen girl, the very same place I vowed and prayed my own daughter would not experience.

So, in an effort to do my part in helping her realize and embrace the amazing little person God created in her, I've stepped away from employment and pulled her out of school.  For at least one year, we're endeavoring to learn together, explore together, and most importantly, grow together.  We're only one month in, and we have shared experiences, conversation, tears, hugs, kisses, and even selfies to last us a lifetime.  Absolutely every day, I am mesmerized by new discoveries of this little person I call my daughter. Her creativity, courage, wittiness, and certainly her sense of style are all confirmation of God's favor in my life.  And although there have been days we both second-guess this decision, my prayer is that when she's grown, maybe with her own daughter, she'll reflect on this time as one of the best years of her life.  

Yes, life is short and filled with shifts and seasons of growth and change.  I'm just so thankful God has blessed me with the boldness and confidence to move when He says, "Move!"

Continue to pray for us, y'all.

-Mama Tameka